Grief

A Change in the Weather

Yesterday started out not great.  I woke up at 4am and couldn’t go back to sleep.  The reality of all the paperwork ahead of me sunk in and my brain started spinning.  Then, as morning broke, the sky just stayed gray and I was a zombie: unhappy, unmotivated, unmoving.  I managed to get up to the studio, but I couldn’t make myself do any of the craft projects I had in mind.

And then, there was a massive torrential downpour.  And, despite an initial flash of concern that the rain in Chicago would seep into the apartment, I checked which way the wind was blowing and relaxed enough to enjoy how beautiful the rain looked.

Then, out of the blue, my friend Chrissy texted me to get lunch.  We had an amazing conversation about energy, dreams, and Ed, of course.  Later my friend Kat came over and dropped off homemade dinner, and we talked about everything that’s been going on the past few weeks and she listened as I unloaded.

And I just felt so moved by how surrounded by love I am.  Ed surrounded himself with a lot of wonderful people who have become my friends and my friends have been warm, kind, and supportive in ways I never felt safe to ask for.  I don’t have to ask, they just appear; they offer a shoulders to cry on, video game distractions, quick getaways to the suburbs, dogs to pet, cats to scratch, spare rooms, ciders, home-cooked meals, and more, more than I even know what to do with.

I am so devastated, and so joyful.  And I’m okay that both exist in the same place.

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